In the beginning, God and his zebra sidekick Phandolfo created the world. In those days, the world was very different from the one we live in now. Unrecognizable. For a start, everyone was Asian and wore purple houndstooth pimp jackets (which, as it happens, were attached to the skin.)
In the year 45000002302300 BBBC (Before British Broadcasting Corporation) God and Phandolfo invented the spikey stick. The Asian Pimps (or Pasians) found these spikey sticks useful for spiking people with. In the end, everyone had killed each other and all that was left was God, Phandolfo, the sea, the sky, the ground and a lone tapir named Mumph-e-Globin.
Now it just so happened that one Asian Pimp had hidden underneath the sea in a place nowadays known as the Bermuda Triangle (it must be noted that in these days, humans had gills and could therefore breath underwater for several hours). Here he found the last spikey stick on Earth and decided to store it under the sand for safekeeping.
Along came God and Phandolfo one day, deciding what monstrous life forms to create next, when suddenly the lone Asian Pimp jumped out and stabbed the zebra with the spikey stick. The zebra collapsed and died of unknown reasons (sources close to the incident suggest that a strike with a spikey stick may have been the cause.) Anyhoo, God became furious, understandably, and broke the stick upon a rock. A splinter from the rock cracked away and rammed itself right through the stick. God realised that he had just created the world's first writing utensil.
With this new "pencil" he wrote obscene comments on the ocean floor about the Asian Pimp, which led to depression and later, suicide.
This thus explains the origins of the pencil and also the reason why so many ships get lost near the Bermuda triangle: the sailors are too busy being distracted by the graffiti on the sea bed beneath.
